The other day I met a couple of job searchers for coffee. http://portageparkdistrict.org We talked about many things including the job search. And inevitably the subject of how their spouses are handling their job search. It was interesting that both shared the same feelings.
When I was job searching, my husband would tell me that there was a job here or there. But the problem was I wasn’t interested in doing that type of work. He didn’t understand that I didn’t want just any job; I wanted one that I was qualified for and interest in. My husband has had the same job since 1983. He got it right after he finished his advanced degree.
I bet it does. I hear it many times from job searchers., Their spouse just doesn’t understand. But in defense of the spouse they are, also, experiencing stress. They are looking at the financial situation and are fearful. They see you working hard at looking for a job and see the strain on you. You may not be your usual self and are walking on eggshells around you. It’s understandable.
Your relationship has undergone many ups and downs and will continue to do so. Communication is the key. When I am stressed, I go inside myself and don’t communicate. My husband was trying his best be supportive, and he knew I really wanted a job. But I didn’t let him know what I was looking for specifically. He was trying to end my search, stress and frustration. But because I didn’t communicate what I needed, he added to it.
I felt as though he was pressuring me to get a job. I felt I had to get a job ASAP, which made my job search stressful and making me feel desperate. After, I told him what I wanted and needed to do, he stopped finding the perfect job for me. After the communication opened up, and I was less stressed, I found a job.
If you are in a job search and have a spouse, communication is the key. I suggest you talk about all the issues surrounding your job search. It made things better for me when I opened up.
Is relocation an option? If the answer is yes, know where you spouse is willing to go and not willing to go.
How will a different shift affect the family? Especially if children are involved, you must decide how to divide up the transportation. Chores are another consideration. Your relationship needs nurturing, how and when will spend time together is something else to think about.
Money is crucial no one wants less, but it may happen. How much of a cut can you take? Will you spouse be able to contribute more income and how?
Whether you are unemployed and looking for a job or already employed but looking to change jobs, job searching is stressful for both of you. Keep your lines of communication open.
My next post will be things you want your spouse to know about your job search. Things I will mention include: unsolicited advice, criticism and job openings.
How can I help you in your job search?